Wednesday, January 11, 2012

grace grace and even more grace

First of all, can I just say that I am loooving this cold weather?
No, I don't necessarily enjoy my fingers freezing every time I want to use my phone or the fact that I might as well not shave my legs until Spring because every time I do and then walk outside, it's all immediately grown back because of goosebumps. But I am finally convinced it's winter and oh what fun that is. I used to hate all the layers that are required with bundling, but now I look forward to it.
But I will admit that although, I am loving this cold weather and am going to embrace it while it's here, once Christmas has come and gone, I am super anxious for Spring time sun.

Being back in Monmouth is really great. People keep asking how DC was and although, I don't want to be a Debbie Downer, I can't lie and say it was absolutely amazing. As you guys have read, it was really hard. But it was a good hard. I say it was a really great experience, I did what I went over there to do, learned so much, but I'm really happy to be back in the northwest.

More on a personal note, I'm gonna share a little more deeply some of the things that have been on my heart.
I don't know how I have done this, but I have fooled myself into believing that I understood grace and the power of Christ dying on the cross. In my head, I knew the concept of it and would proclaim that truth when I was in apparent and dire need of grace at that moment, but it didn't really get to my heart. I didn't understand what that actually meant. I have recently realized that in the past, I would kind of compartmentalize my life (which isn't always a bad thing) and areas that I need to work on (also, not always a bad thing), but once I figured those things out, I would think I didn't really need God's grace so much, because, hey-I worked it all out, right?

I'm so thankful that we have a gentle God who shows us how wrong we are.

I have been feeling like the biggest failure lately. Like big time. And usually, when I've spent enough time working on my failures, I find a way out of feeling this way. But with some of the struggles I'm going through right now, I can't get a quick fix out of them. I can't find answers and I can't figure out how to turn things around to make them good (I'm sure you're saying it's a good thing that's not my job, right?). In the past, I'd have dwelt on my many many failures and would have had the "poor-me's" until I could figure it all out. But this time it's different. I still don't have answers, I'm still hurting and in turn, have hurt people, but I get to live and walk in the grace that Jesus has for me. It's such a simple truth that I've heard time and time again, but it's different when I get to live it out because I have no other option. I can't do anything else except to accept that I am a walking failure and sinner and always will be, but that's why Jesus died for me. And how amazing it has been to really realize that His grace for me will never run out. ever.
It is the most freeing feeling I've ever had.
Doesn't make my current trials and testings any easier, but I'm freed of the expectation I've put on myself that I have to have it all together.
I'm tellin' ya, it's really great, guys.

I apologize if this was too deep for you. Really, I do.
I've also been reflecting on my blog and why I actually want to keep it. I think I want this to be a place where I can share real stuff going on with my life (and also meaningless silly things) so I can maybe encourage at least one reader by being able to relate and know that their not alone. Quite a few blogs I follow have been an encouragement to me in that way and I want to be able to do the same. Again I say it, we'll see how this blogging thing shakes out!

Here's some photos of things from the past few weeks since I've been back.

1. Boyfriend helped me with some projects.

2. And he had a birthday.
He got new overalls.

2. We went to Bushwhackers for a surprise birthday celebration for our dear friend, Jenn.

3. A welcome home gathering was thrown for me. Jess taught us all a new game called "Oom Chi Chi" (I know, I totally butchered the spelling). Evidence of the game is below.
(On certain events, our differences amaze me sometimes. I'd be lying if I said I didn't like it.)

More things have happened and I'd love to post more pictures, but the new blogspot website has a new photo uploader thing and I'm struggling to figure it out... dumb technology.

Have a happy hump day!

No comments:

Post a Comment