Tuesday, January 17, 2012

it's just not working

Guys, I'm having issues.
My brain is in a I-don't-want-to-work-so-I'm-not-going-to mood despite my serious efforts to make it work.
School? It's not going over super well right now (don't worry mom, I'm still getting my homework turned in... for the most part).
The biggest problem of it all is that I'm taking classes that count towards what I'm most likely going to do for my career, and they aren't just core LACC classes- aka my brain needs to function as properly as possible this term. And it's not.
Work, brain work!! Can you please stop being mad at me and be my friend now?

I did do about 3 hours of reading homework today at the campus coffee shop (that doesn't count the hours that I did before going to the shop and the hours I'm attempting to complete now...) and kept my roomie company while she worked. Go kys! You're the cutest barista.

I was on a women's retreat this weekend with my bible study I'm a part of in Monmouth and I'm excited to tell you about it. God was so faithful in the simplest ways. I love that we have a simple but oh-so-dang complex God. Once I catch up on the homework I didn't do this weekend, I'll be sure to share my weekend with you, pictures and all.

Please pray for my brain, friends. I need all the help I can get!

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

grace grace and even more grace

First of all, can I just say that I am loooving this cold weather?
No, I don't necessarily enjoy my fingers freezing every time I want to use my phone or the fact that I might as well not shave my legs until Spring because every time I do and then walk outside, it's all immediately grown back because of goosebumps. But I am finally convinced it's winter and oh what fun that is. I used to hate all the layers that are required with bundling, but now I look forward to it.
But I will admit that although, I am loving this cold weather and am going to embrace it while it's here, once Christmas has come and gone, I am super anxious for Spring time sun.

Being back in Monmouth is really great. People keep asking how DC was and although, I don't want to be a Debbie Downer, I can't lie and say it was absolutely amazing. As you guys have read, it was really hard. But it was a good hard. I say it was a really great experience, I did what I went over there to do, learned so much, but I'm really happy to be back in the northwest.

More on a personal note, I'm gonna share a little more deeply some of the things that have been on my heart.
I don't know how I have done this, but I have fooled myself into believing that I understood grace and the power of Christ dying on the cross. In my head, I knew the concept of it and would proclaim that truth when I was in apparent and dire need of grace at that moment, but it didn't really get to my heart. I didn't understand what that actually meant. I have recently realized that in the past, I would kind of compartmentalize my life (which isn't always a bad thing) and areas that I need to work on (also, not always a bad thing), but once I figured those things out, I would think I didn't really need God's grace so much, because, hey-I worked it all out, right?

I'm so thankful that we have a gentle God who shows us how wrong we are.

I have been feeling like the biggest failure lately. Like big time. And usually, when I've spent enough time working on my failures, I find a way out of feeling this way. But with some of the struggles I'm going through right now, I can't get a quick fix out of them. I can't find answers and I can't figure out how to turn things around to make them good (I'm sure you're saying it's a good thing that's not my job, right?). In the past, I'd have dwelt on my many many failures and would have had the "poor-me's" until I could figure it all out. But this time it's different. I still don't have answers, I'm still hurting and in turn, have hurt people, but I get to live and walk in the grace that Jesus has for me. It's such a simple truth that I've heard time and time again, but it's different when I get to live it out because I have no other option. I can't do anything else except to accept that I am a walking failure and sinner and always will be, but that's why Jesus died for me. And how amazing it has been to really realize that His grace for me will never run out. ever.
It is the most freeing feeling I've ever had.
Doesn't make my current trials and testings any easier, but I'm freed of the expectation I've put on myself that I have to have it all together.
I'm tellin' ya, it's really great, guys.

I apologize if this was too deep for you. Really, I do.
I've also been reflecting on my blog and why I actually want to keep it. I think I want this to be a place where I can share real stuff going on with my life (and also meaningless silly things) so I can maybe encourage at least one reader by being able to relate and know that their not alone. Quite a few blogs I follow have been an encouragement to me in that way and I want to be able to do the same. Again I say it, we'll see how this blogging thing shakes out!

Here's some photos of things from the past few weeks since I've been back.

1. Boyfriend helped me with some projects.

2. And he had a birthday.
He got new overalls.

2. We went to Bushwhackers for a surprise birthday celebration for our dear friend, Jenn.

3. A welcome home gathering was thrown for me. Jess taught us all a new game called "Oom Chi Chi" (I know, I totally butchered the spelling). Evidence of the game is below.
(On certain events, our differences amaze me sometimes. I'd be lying if I said I didn't like it.)

More things have happened and I'd love to post more pictures, but the new blogspot website has a new photo uploader thing and I'm struggling to figure it out... dumb technology.

Have a happy hump day!

Friday, January 6, 2012

an engagement!

This whole blogging thing is a lot harder to stay on top of now that I'm home.
I wasn't really expecting that.
How these insano bloggers do this every day, sometimes multiple times a day, is beyond me
(and by "insano bloggers", I mean extremely amazing bloggers because I wish I could do that and am kinda jealous that it comes naturally for you guys. I'm hoping I can be like that one day.)

An awesome new thing that I just starting using on my phone is the iCal app. I don't know why I didn't use it before, but it has been so useful! I don't forget anything and I feel so much more organized.
Since I've been using my iCal app, I've been able to put in the million weddings that are about to happen this year. I think I literally put in 7 weddings, 7 weddings, into my phone in one sitting. That's crazy but so exciting!

The most recent engagement is one of my best friends/old roommate. I'm so excited for ms anna edmonds and her new fiance, kenneth! The day after they got engaged a handful of us went out to Venti's Cafe & Tap House in Salem to celebrate their engagement.
Anna and I have only known each other for about 4 years now, but she's been alongside me during some of the most significant times in my life. We've gone on countless runs that consist of great conversations and had so many late night talks about our future guys and she's now engaged to hers!
I'm so excited for you, my friend!
You're really going to be the most beautiful bride.

I remember in high school thinking it was so weird that all of my friends and I were going to college because college was so old and then I thought it was nuts when everyone started graduating and getting real jobs (although I'm not at that point yet...) and becoming real life adults. And NOW, everrryyoone is getting married! Next, it's going to be buying houses and having babies. And then going on camping trips with old college friends and their families (I'm so excited for that!).

I have a feeling this next season of life is going to be full of new things. Having no expectations is something I'm trying to work on. Expectations kinda suck a little.

Happy Friday, friends!