Saturday, October 29, 2011

the greats and not so greats

Looks amazing, does it not?

So, I said I wasn't going to turn the Christmas music on until November 1st.
last night I "accidentally" pushed play on a Christmas tune...
and now I can't stop listening to it.
I will say I'm a little disappointed with myself,
but let's be real here-
I. have. NO. self. control. with. Christmas.

Wait, who am I kidding? 
I knew I wasn't going to be able to stop once I started.

It doesn't really help that when I woke up this morning at 9, it looked like it was still the wee hours of the morning because it was so dark out.  
And it doesn't help that the DC weather forecast says 39 degrees and snow for today.
And it doesn't help that I've already bought eggnog.

So you go, Leon Redbone and Zooey Deschanel.  
You sing your little hearts out to "Baby, It's Cold Outside."

(I really want to shout out with the joy that I feel inside because of this glorious Christmas music.)

I busted out my beloved mint green winter jacket.

The not so greats
- This splitting headache I've had for two days that humorously makes me relate to Harry Potter when Voldemort releases his furry and Harry feels it through his scar.
- The internal battle I'm struggling with about going on a run right now.
- Going to watch a friends flag football game, expecting lots of people to be there, but being the only one there... let alone, the only girl (here's a video of the awkwardness at it's full).
- The pile of laundry I have to do today.
- The awkward commercials on Pandora...
- My lack of self-control in celebrating once Christmas even slightly pokes it's head up.

And the greats
- My lack of self-control in celebrating once Christmas even slightly pokes it's head up.
- The letters I got from my beloved friends this week.
- The fact that my sister is coming in T-minus 13 days!  and then boyfriend following very shortly after.
- That I'm going to my friend Stephanie's house later today for a night of pumpkin carving, hopefully baking pumpkin seeds, and a sleepover! (look for pictures in the next post) And then church the next day.  Woot!
- Did I mention this Christmas music?
- God's faithfulness and patience.  Need I really say more? 
(But, I will elaborate in later post).

Happy weekend, friends.
I hope your Halloween is full of lots of sweets and hot chocolate and cider!
Mine will be!

Thursday, October 27, 2011


You know those silly insignificant fears you have?
The ones that when you voice them and describe the actuality of the situation you are fearing, they sound kind of pathetic?
The ones that when you actually think about it, you go, "Why does that scare me so bad?"

I kinda have a lot of those.

Fears that I'm not interesting enough for people to like me and want to get to know me or that I'm not pretty enough for someone to think of me as beautiful and accept me for who I am.  Even fears like this post is going to be too intense for people to want to continue reading my blog.  These fears make me intimidated by people around me and keep me from being who God made me to be and doing things I actually want to do.  It makes me compare myself to people, always wanting what they have, thinking they have so much more to offer than I do- and it makes me fail to recognize how the Lord has made me, which is perfect and that I actually do have a lot to offer.

Being intimidated by people is something I've struggled with for as long as I can remember.  When I've shared that with some of you at different times, you sound shocked- but it's the absolute truth.
How to proclaim that Christ is who I find my worth in is something I continually battle with.  Sometimes I wonder if I will ever stop battling from it, 
conquering it once and for all.

I write these things because I have to face my fears here at Gallaudet every day, particularly today, and it got me thinking.
A big fear of mine is speaking in front of people.  With a smaller group, and by that I mean a-trustworthy-group-of-people-I-am-comfortable-with-and-know-somewhat-well, I am fine voicing my opinion freely and participating in a conversation.  But once that group becomes bigger than say, 5 or 6 people, and unfamiliar, I become dysfunctional and sweaty and I forget what to say and can't create sentences that make sense.  Imagine that, but with signing- a language I don't fully know and understand.  With a small group of people, and I mean really small, I can get by okay- but I still get sweaty and nervous.  I don't want to miss what they say and embarrass myself by things like thinking they're telling me something, but really, they are asking me a question but I just continue to smile and nod...  I worry that they are going to become impatient with me and think I'm not worth talking to- when really, if the roles were reversed, I would want to help someone who is in my position.

This is why I am needing to face my fears today:
In my linguistics class, we are to partner with another class that is focussing on the editing programs of an IPad (they are using videos to create a virtual ASL dictionary on the Gallaudet website).  The students in my class need to sign the definition of a Linguistic term (mine is Arbitrary Linguistic Symbol) in front of the other class, and their responsibility is to record and edit the video and make it available online.  We met with the other class today, and of course, the people in the class are people I see on campus who I am actually pretty intimidated by- the kinds of students who are well known and very involved in different things on campus- the "popular" people, if you will.  We're meeting at some point tonight to do the recording... and I'm scared.
It is silly.  And so unnecessary.
And very much of the enemy.

Prayers that I will remember what I've been taught in fighting the enemy in these things and proclaiming the truths of Jesus Christ would be great. 
That's my prayer.

Thanks for letting me share my thoughts.
I do apologize if it was less than uplifting for you.

Happy Thursday, friends. 
I love you all so much. 

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

from football to touring dc and everything in between.

First of all, check this beauty out.  
It was taken on campus.
And there was no photo editing done!

My parents and I got up each morning this weekend to go on a walk that ended at a coffee shop called Ebenezer's.  We found out that the coffee shop is owned by a church called National Community Church and there is a service on Saturday nights in the basement.  
I'm going to try going one night and am so excited! 

PS- when I haven't written a post in a while, I stress myself out because I don't want to forget to write something I knew I wanted to share with you all when it happened.  
Do you bloggers know what I'm talking about?  
Unneeded fretting, that's what it is.

We went to the Gallaudet homecoming football game on saturday.  I took some videos that I want to share with you guys!  I'm not sure if my internet connection at this coffee shop I'm at is strong enough to upload them right now though (and I wish I could post them directly on my blog and not have to go through youtube... darn technology.).

Isn't her sweatshirt wonderful?  She was urging us to "come ooooon."

Hinton family picture after the Gallaudet Bison's won their game!

Yes, my sweatshirt says 'DAD,' no it's not my dad's sweatshirt- it's mine.
And I love it! 

Full Gally bus on the way to Union Station to get on the metro.

After dinner with my parents and the Hinton crew, I got ready and met up with Rachel and Maggie for the Homecoming Bash.  I was really wanting to skip it and go to sleep (I really like to live on the edge), but I'm happy I actually went.  

The next day my parents and I toured around DC again, this time on bikes!  DC has this awesome deal where you can rent these city bikes and ride around DC.  There are many many places to check the bikes in and out.  How it works is first you become a member of the city bike business thing, then you can rent bikes when you want to from any bike rental station.  Wherever you need to go, you can ride your bike and there's bound to be a bike check in station nearby.  The first half hour is free... which is awesome cause you can do a lot of things in a half hour.  I think it was one of the smartest decisions we made while here- besides going to Ebenezer's Coffee.  Because that place makes dang good coffee!

Here's some pictures of our bike day in DC... I apologize for those awkward pictures of just myself and a monument.

A cloud shadow going up the monument.

Fall in Washington DC. 

The reflecting pool is getting work done on it...

Lincoln Memorial.  Much busier when it's day time!

that handsome poppa smith.

Jefferson Memorial

That took way too much concentration for what it was worth.

The White House

And the back of the White House.

There's a story behind this picture.  There were only 2 rental bikes left and we needed to get to the restaurant on time- walking wouldn't have been fast enough.  What did we do?  I sat, dad pedaled.  We made it on time, but my hip flexers felt like they were going to burst.  What an adventure.  I'll post a video of it when the internet starts to be nice to me and lets me upload my videos faster.

Can you say awesome and adorable? I love this picture so much.  This is in Georgetown.  This canal is what they used to use for imported trades or something of that sort.  ps- I love Georgetown.

Back on the Gallaudet campus.

And now, ladies and gents, there's a new reason to celebrate. 
Enough said.

This past weekend was great.  It went by real quickly, which rarely happens because my weekends are never as full as that weekend was.  And of course, it's the one weekend that I actually had lots of homework but had absolutely no time to do any of it.  Isn't it funny how that works?
After my parents left to go back to Portland on Monday, I was on the grind to get my projects and homework done.  I was successful in getting it all done.  I worked clear until I was to leave for church, cause there was no way I was going to miss that no matter how much work I had to get done.  
The body of Christ has become like a lifeline for me to cling on to.  I might have mentioned this before, but I will say again that Gallaudet University is an extremely cliquey school.  I feel on the outside the majority of the time I'm on campus, which is a very weird change for me, to be honest.  It gets very lonely and clinging to the Lord as my best friend, Father, comforter, and Savior is something I am constantly needing to do- and something I constantly forget I am able to do.  I keep feeling like I am drowning, and therefore, I cling to the most tangible things I can see in those moments- those tangible things being people I'm extremely close to: my boyfriend, family, friends at home, and to people I'm not even that close to but are physically present in my life.  I feel bad for those poor people I do that to.  It makes me put so much expectation on them that they cannot meet and leaves me frustrated with them.  It's partly humorous that I do that because I see the effects of it and it's never good, yet I continually do it.  It's not good for them, or for me.

Before I left for DC, I knew I was going to go through fire.  The song by Ginny Owens called If You Want Me To says this:

"The pathway is broken and the signs are unclear,
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here.
But just because You love me the way You do,
I'm gonna walk through the valley if You want me to.

Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to.

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home 
But You never said it would be easy,
 You only said I'd never go alone."

And that was my true and honest prayer all summer.  I was praying that my hearts desire would be just that, and it was, and still is my desire.
I think I just simply forgot that.
And probably will continue to forget every now and then.  
At church on Monday night, the pastor man (I think his name is Jon) was teaching out of James 4:13-17.  Those verses are talking about how we can't make our own plans because we can't know what will happen tomorrow.  The plans of tomorrow could alter our lives forever, in a negative or positive way (and even if it is negative, God still uses it for good- cool huh?).  Pastor man asked us to question our lives with, "Who is in control of my life?  Am I trying to fit God into my plans and simply asking Him to bless me or am I asking that His will be done, no matter what I want or think should happen or what makes sense?"  My heart was wrenching during worship with heartbreak, not to mention the embarrassing fountain of tears and snot that I couldn't stop, and I was hanging on to every word of the message.
All day on Monday, before I heard the message at church in the evening, a song by Jeremy Camp pierced my heart and brought me to tears.  It was the song My Desire.  
Parts of the song say this: 

"You wanna be real, you wanna be emptied inside.  
You wanna be someone laying down your pride.  

This is my desire, this is my return,
This is my desire, to be used by you.

And I know, my life, it's to do your will."

And I listened to that song over and over.
After remembering the lyrics of the Ginny Owens song and playing the Jeremy Camp song over and over, knowing it was meant for me to hear at that moment, but not knowing why, and then listening to that message on Monday night, it's laughable to think that I didn't know what God was shouting at me until a couple days later.  
I am such a dumb little lamb.  
But the greatest part is that God knows that.  He knew that even before I did.
I'm still trying to figure things out- sort things out in my head.  
Trying to make sense of it all.  
I think I always will be.

Thank you for all your prayers.
I feel so blessed to have you all in my life.

Here's a shout out to you friends who have sent me Fall/leaf pictures!
 It makes me feel so great. 

Thank you so much! I love you all.
Happy Wednesday!